Sunday 25 July 2010

Moments


Each passing moment,
reminds me of life not lived,
hope remains intact.



P.S. - First time tried my hands on traditional Japanese form of poetry 'Haiku'. Its not that easy as it seems because you have to take care of the number of syllables in each of the three lines. No problem if it doesn't rhyme.

P.P.S. - I think my first attempt on this genre is not up to the mark (I also had to take help of syllable counter). But, yes, trying is always good.


For:

12 After Thoughts:

Leo said...

hi Deepak :) welcome to Haiku Heights, and thanks for writing..

your take is quite good too.. maybe the reason you feel it not up to mark is that there is no full stop to it? it feels like a continuation is needed. :)
maybe a small change might make it better.

Each passing moment
It reminds of life not lived
Yet hope stays intact

adreamygal said...

Hey Deepak its good yaar ..You tried it , and thats good :)

Amity said...

But it's excellent Deepak...:-)

You did it with ease and flying colors...:-)

And continue joining us at HH..:-)

inkwellwhispers.com said...

I found your haiku quite soothing and so full of hope. Personally, I do not write my haiku with counting syllables, just my writing style.

Guddu said...

Good try Deepak.. I liked it :)

Sunakshi said...

Even though i dunno much about haiku's ..still i liked these lines.they convey a lot in just few words.

Keep it up sir :)

Harshad mehta said...

Great words. Deep.

Deepak said...

@ leo: thanks for the suggestions leo, but I'll keep my first Haiku intact, no change at all :)

@ adreamygal: thanks a lot :)

@ amity: excellent? I don't think so, but thanks a lot :)

@ inkwellwhispers: yeah, there should not be any rules to bind ur imagination, but sometimes we have to go by the traditions :)

@ guddu: thank you :)

@ sunakshi: thanks a lot, ur words are inspiring :)

@ harshad: thank u sir :)

Rinkly Rimes said...

Sometimes rules are hard to obey, but I think the haiku is very good for discipline. It will be a long time before I feel happy with mine.

Deepak said...

@ rinkly: yeah, rules are hard to obey. But they're not meant to be broken always :)

Someone Is Special said...

Well expressed.. beautiful..

Yours Frendly,
Saravana Kumar M

Deepak said...

@ someone is special: thanks a lot :)

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